lundi 21 mars 2016

Two And A Half Years

In this thread I will bloviate in three parts. Part one will describe what happened to me two and a half years ago. Part two will talk about the inner changes I experienced since then, as a result of part one. Part three is the current update, and contains the good news.

PART ONE

Two and a half years ago I eagerly anticipated a new life in Australia where I could accomplish my goals and gain the respect I've wanted for so long. I won't go into too many details here, having done so on other threads, but in the space of just a few days I lost my home, my job, and my dream. Everything was gone just like that.

Even though my original plan had failed, I tried to revive it with different personnel (but couldn't). It was a major shock to lose everything at once; an episode of PTSD if you're comfortable with that term. It was so bad that more than once since then I considered checking myself into a mental hospital.

Some people were extremely kind to me during this time; what I needed most was time and space to decompress. Early kindness was essential in getting me started on life again, but it's taken YEARS for the ordeal to begin to fade.

Having run out of options in Australia, I reluctantly returned to Germany to pick up the pieces. I had "unmocked my working installation" and started over with practically nothing. My old apartment was of course gone. I went from hotel to hotel, hoping that there wouldn't be a big game where they would be all booked up. It felt like "my name was being erased from the Book of Life" (and I don't even know what that MEANS!)

Indeed, there was only ONE place in the entire city I could call mine -- my storage locker. A load of stuff was shipped to Australia; I told them to send it all back; but of course I had to wait for it. However, most of my things were in that locker -- my only physical connection to a life I otherwise obliterated.

The man I will call "P", who helped me with my move, was very kind to me. I stayed over at his place a few times during my "comeback" phase, and he appealed to his friends (who had an empty apartment) to rent that apartment to me (where I am right now).

Because of a housing shortage (there seems to be a housing shortage in EVERY major city now) it was the best I could do at the time. In spite of it being less than ideal, I took it, because I was desperate. I've been here for over two years now, although I never thought it would take this LONG to find something better. I call it The Foot Hospital because I'm only here because I shot myself in the foot :footbullet: with my actions.

In any case, I've been an emotional wreck, barely able to get up out of bed some days. They say it can take up to three YEARS to get over a major shock (and this was as major as they come). There was little I could do to speed up the process -- I just had to put my time in, my life on hold, more of an existence than a life during this time.

Helena

P.S: if this thread gets banished to the Siberia of the Off Topic section, please look for it there. Since the Off Topic section is no longer included in Recent Posts, putting it there would mean hardly anyone would ever know it even exists.
Two And A Half Years

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