I did a quick search and I didn't see it posted here. A friend of mine linked me to this, she said she read it a long time ago, but I do think it's hilarious enough to share..
http://ift.tt/29Oz6Ij
I decided to check myself into the Celebrity Center in Los Angeles - a Scientology retreat for the rich and famous. I made sure my friends knew where I was going and when to come and get me.I make a huge rock-star entrance into the Celebrity Center. I'm the only person with dreadlocks, wearing black, and chain-smoking. I have to admit this is a beautiful hotel. All the employees are identically dressed, with white shirts and matching ties and slacks (shorter girlie ties and skirts for the women). They're all scurrying about like little busy Scientology worker ants. For the sake of pulling off the charade, I'm hoping nobody can speak German.
"Ya! Dieter Lietershvantz... has arrived!" I strike a pose with my guitar.
"Yes, Mr. Lietershvantz. We've been expecting you," says the smiley woman behind the front desk. She goes into the office. I decide to make sure everyone feels my presence.
"Mr. Lietershvantz is here!" I yell.
I'm looking for a place to put my cigarette out. A fat smiley man comes out of his office. I learn that his name is Leonard.
"Hello, Mr. Lietershvantz," he says while offering his large, sweaty hand. "Let me show you to your room."
Though everyone is smiling, I feel an undercurrent of tension. Sweaty Leonard asks me where I'm from. I tell him Flusserberg, Germany. There's plenty of time for small talk as we take the slowest elevator ride known to humanity.
"Are you a Scientologist, Dieter?"
"No, I'm a musician." I point to my guitar. "The manager of Nein! Nein! Nein! thought Dieter should stay here." I pat my chest.
This makes Leonard happy. "Many people in the entertainment business stay here," he says. "John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Kirstie Alley."
"Wasn't she dat maid on Gimme a Break?"
"No, Cheers."
"Aah."
The elevator gets to my floor.
My Life as a Celebrity Scientologist - Harmon Leon
http://ift.tt/29Oz6Ij
Quote:
I decided to check myself into the Celebrity Center in Los Angeles - a Scientology retreat for the rich and famous. I made sure my friends knew where I was going and when to come and get me.I make a huge rock-star entrance into the Celebrity Center. I'm the only person with dreadlocks, wearing black, and chain-smoking. I have to admit this is a beautiful hotel. All the employees are identically dressed, with white shirts and matching ties and slacks (shorter girlie ties and skirts for the women). They're all scurrying about like little busy Scientology worker ants. For the sake of pulling off the charade, I'm hoping nobody can speak German.
"Ya! Dieter Lietershvantz... has arrived!" I strike a pose with my guitar.
"Yes, Mr. Lietershvantz. We've been expecting you," says the smiley woman behind the front desk. She goes into the office. I decide to make sure everyone feels my presence.
"Mr. Lietershvantz is here!" I yell.
I'm looking for a place to put my cigarette out. A fat smiley man comes out of his office. I learn that his name is Leonard.
"Hello, Mr. Lietershvantz," he says while offering his large, sweaty hand. "Let me show you to your room."
Though everyone is smiling, I feel an undercurrent of tension. Sweaty Leonard asks me where I'm from. I tell him Flusserberg, Germany. There's plenty of time for small talk as we take the slowest elevator ride known to humanity.
"Are you a Scientologist, Dieter?"
"No, I'm a musician." I point to my guitar. "The manager of Nein! Nein! Nein! thought Dieter should stay here." I pat my chest.
This makes Leonard happy. "Many people in the entertainment business stay here," he says. "John Travolta, Tom Cruise, Kirstie Alley."
"Wasn't she dat maid on Gimme a Break?"
"No, Cheers."
"Aah."
The elevator gets to my floor.
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